A Better Life?

Riding a scooter in Thailand with my daughter Brenna

The "me" from five years ago seems odd, strange, distant... was that "me"?   I wonder...

Yes, of course it was.  My life took an unexpected turn a number of years ago, and even if I was following my spirit, there was always some doubt.  I do REALLY hate that word... "doubt".

So I have gotten this question a few times from people knowing the basics of my life... "Is your life better now?"  

And each time I got this question I would freakin' pause.... and wonder, "Is it?"  

It is certainly "different".  I have a different partner, a different home, a different car, different name... etc.  all of this is true.  But "Is it better?"  I realize now that the catch to answer this question was that I had to in some way invalidate my previous reality in order for the current reality to be better.  And that didn't feel so good.  

Finally I realized, THAT is not the question.  The question is "Am I better?"

And the answer to that question is "YES."  There is NO doubt there.  The people and circumstances that made the surroundings for the past me were beautiful and special.  Today my surroundings are just as beautiful and special, but the ME who created the now is "better"... in many many ways.  The "me" now experiences more joy, more freedom, more authenticity, more aliveness, more passion, more messiness (a good step for me) and most precious of all, more love.

The peace of mind in knowing that answer is tremendous. 

Geeze, some times the oddest things are SUCH a fuckin' relief!